Dear Todd, We Were There, Too!

Because Just Being Born in the Early '80s Doesn’t Mean We Missed the Neon Party.

Enter the voice of Gen X Todd — the guy who claims full ownership of the '80s but also swears he “remembers” the '70s, even though he spent most of them eating paste and watching Sesame Street.

He's also the guy who will ask you: (("You aren't yet 50 years old. Sure you remember the 80s?"))

Yes, Todd. I remember the '80s — just like you remember the '70s while wearing Underoos and eating SpaghettiOs.

So, what's with the analog gatekeeping? I bet you're the kind of guy who would deny entry to the '80s Nostalgia club to someone born in 1981. And why is that?

((“They still had soft baby hair during Chernobyl.”)) Okay, Todd. Meanwhile, you were 7 and using Pert Plus. Calm down.

You ever notice how some of these Analog Gatekeepers™ flood their nostalgia pages with 70s vibes? Lava lamps, shag carpet, disco balls, orange Tupperware, and captions like:

"Ahhh, the good ol' 70s. We were THERE."

Were you, Todd?

Because by your own logic — the same logic you love to use against those of us born in the early 80s — you might not want to grab that polyester time machine too quickly.

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Let’s break this down:

If you were born in 1974, then you were… what? Five when the 70s ended? So unless you were moonwalking out of the womb or philosophically dissecting "The Brady Bunch" in kindergarten, maybe you should rethink your claim of full cultural ownership.

Meanwhile, we ‘80s babies’ were raised smack-dab in the middle of that neon-tinted wonderland. The mixtapes, the VHS tapes, the Saturday morning cartoons, the malls, the arcades — that was our childhood.

🧠 More zingers about Todd’s age-gatekeeping obsession:

• (("You’re not 50 yet? You can't possibly remember!))"— Todd, the man who believes your memory activates the moment you grow a mustache.
  

• Todd acts like childhood memories have a minimum age requirement as if Blockbuster card applications needed a birth certificate.
  

• ((“If you weren’t a teenager in the '80s, you weren’t really there.”)) — Todd, who was five when the '70s ended, but still thinks he invented disco.
  

• Todd’s out here like a nostalgia TSA agent:

  ((“I’m gonna need to see some ID before you quote Goonies.”))
  

• 🧓 Todd: ((“You Xennials are just Millennial-lite.”))

  👧 Xennial: And you’re just Boomer-beta with a cassette obsession and trust issues.

So yes, Todd — we may not have hit puberty in the '80s, and our memories may come from a few inches shorter and with jelly-stained hands, but they’re real — and they’re ours.

Because nostalgia isn’t a senior citizen’s club, and remembering the '80s doesn’t require being carded at the Gen X gate.

We were there, too. Just… at a slightly lower altitude. 😉

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We weren’t borrowing your culture. You passed it down to us.

You were our older siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, and babysitters. You were the ones handing us the remote, the cassette, the Capri Sun, the mixtape labeled "Summer Jams '87."

You dressed us in your leftover neon windbreakers. You passed your toys and hairstyles down to us.

You played Nintendo while we watched in awe and handed over the controller when you were done dominating Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.

But now you want to gatekeep it? You want to slap our hands and say, (("No no, you weren’t REALLY there")) just because we weren't teens yet?

Here's the plot twist, Todd:

You can’t raise us in a culture and then pretend we weren’t there for it.

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We remember it. We lived it, just from a lower height and with jelly shoes.

So let’s keep it real: If you can post pictures of a lava lamp and claim ownership of the 70s from your five-year-old self... then surely a kid born in '83 who grew up in the middle of the 80s can rock scrunchy socks and VHS nostalgia without getting gatekept by someone clutching a Columbia House cassette collection.

Todd's Clubhouse motto:

((“If you weren’t a teenager in the 80s, don’t speak.”)) Meanwhile, Todd still thinks Gen X invented sarcasm —but guess what, Todd? We used it on our Trapper Keepers, too.

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🎤 What If Boomers Decided to Gatekeep the '70s?

...The way that Gen X Todd likes to gatekeep the 80s?

Boomers: “Sorry, Gen X — you were just kids. You didn’t really experience the '70s. You didn’t feel the disco. You didn’t earn the lava lamp. You weren’t there.”

Gen X:😱 “But… I remember the mood rings! I watched CHiPs! I had a pet rock!”

Boomers: “Cute. You also had training wheels. Sit down, sport.”

😭 Imagine the Meltdown:

Gen X, after decades of sarcastic detachment, suddenly finds itself in emotional territory it didn’t prepare for. They’d try to laugh it off with a shrug and a whatever, but deep down… Todd is spiraling.

Todd: “But I had a Fonzie lunchbox! I watched Carter on TV!”

Boomers: “So did our toddlers. Doesn’t make them historians.”

💿 The Ironic Twist:

Gen X Todd: “We were there, even if we were just kids!”

Boomers: “Wow. That sounds… familiar. Kinda like what those early '80s babies say about the '80s. Huh.”

🧠 The Lesson?

If Boomers gatekept the '70s the way Gen X gatekeeps the '80s, Todd would be the first one writing a blog called:

“F You! I Was There – Even If I Was 5!”

And we’d be like: “Yeah, Todd. Exactly.”

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Now let's make more funny jokes about the Analog Gatekeepers™!

1. Boomers: “If you were born in the ‘70s, you didn’t really experience it.” Gen X Todd: “But I wore bell-bottoms!” Boomers: “Your mom dressed you. That doesn’t count.”
   

2. 💿 Boomers be like: “You didn’t feel the soul of the ‘70s unless you were at least 18 and slow-dancing to The Carpenters with someone named Linda.” Meanwhile, Gen X Todd was just trying not to spill juice on the shag carpet.
   

3. Gen X Todd: “We had lava lamps and macramé!” Boomers: “You had Fisher-Price and nap time. Calm down, slick.”
   

4. 🕺Gen X Todd: “We were raised in the ‘70s!” Boomers: “Exactly. Raised. Not culture creators — just culture receivers. Now go sit in your beanbag chair and reflect.”
   

5. 🎤Boomers: “You can’t claim the ‘70s. You were five.” Gen X Todd: “But I remember disco!” Boomers: “So does my houseplant. It sat next to the stereo. Doesn’t make it a Bee Gees fan.”

So the next time Todd tries to kick us out of the '80s Nostalgia Clubhouse for not being “old enough,” just remember — if Boomers applied that same logic to the ‘70s, he’d be sitting on the curb with his Alf lunchbox, begging to be let back in.

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Dear Todd, We were there, too.

If Boomers gatekept the ‘70s: Every Gen Xer would suddenly understand what it feels like to be told,

“You were too young to remember anything meaningful.” And somewhere in the background, a Xennial softly whispers: “Karma, bro.”

Love the Xennial Generation (aka the glitch between Gen X and Millennial, aka your cultural little sibling who actually remembers all the words to the DuckTales theme song.)

Gatekeeping nostalgia is a losing game. Because culture isn’t something you own — it’s something you live, share, and pass down (along with your Columbia House debt and your mixtape labeled “Road Trip ’88”).

So lighten up, Todd. We remember. We were there. And honestly? We do it with better hair. 💅

Stay neon! And if you like what I do, you can sign up for the "Synthwave Newsletter" below and get 2 free 80s-inspired songs. Catch you on the flip side! Retro Sonya!